Mormon Women Have a Question

So I guess everyone knows that now the Mormon missionaries are now younger. Announced not too long ago young men at age 18 can serve a mission and young women at age 19 can as well. For some reason however, women are still going at a later age. The NY Times reports always seem to include a female missionary who is around her mid-twenties. This article the subject of my blog today is no different. I find the article compelling because aside from the usual reporting that seems to take a balanced view of the LDS church with some insults thrown in to boot, and was not coy about doing it yet again, this time bringing to light why the church hasn't yet cow-toed to the liberal feminist demands of women first.

It starts off with a story about the strong, powerful, independent sisters who embark on a mission to Korea, and like 23,000 other women have so admirably signed up to serve a patriarchal church, we are immediately reminded of their commendable sacrifice. We are also told about what makes them special besides their faith, but their aspirations in life and the careers they wish to pursue. Right now, the gist of the article becomes clear, women need to have it all. I mean women are doing so much, serving missions, getting spit upon, sacrificing 18 months of their lives to serve, etc. So why are they then later having a hard time meeting men in the church?

That is what our lead character she said, “I started meeting so many incredible older women in their 30s who were still single... if marriage is a reward for being obedient and being righteous, why are these women still single?”

Really I bet I know why, as a matter of fact this answer came earlier in the article, "I’m doing my part. I keep my weight down and my looks attractive. If I wanted to be married, I could choose someone who is choosing me.” So I guess if any man would have her is she so chose, then the reason she isn't married is because of her. That's right, when you put your career first and family second, what makes you think you're not going to be single by the time you are 30? Could she really be married if she wanted too? Sure, if she wanted to settle. But that's not part of 'having it all' is it? Men are expected to put their family first, so why aren't the women? That's sexist to say so I know, but it's also a double standard. When a Mormon woman does not have her priorities straight why does she still expect mana to reign from heaven, especially when she is not willing to work for it? 

To put things bluntly, these career women don't understand that a career isn't a choice for a man because no matter what he is going to be burdened with presiding over his family, providing, putting his needs last, etc. These women seem to think that this is the dream and want to do it to, except the whole burden part, you know providing for everyone else first and putting yourself last on the list of needs. That's right, she earns money its hers she gets to decide what she wants to do with it, but his money that he earns, well it's the family (namely hers first) then his if there is anything left over. If she is working to earn a paycheck that is only for her, while still expecting him to work to provide for, well her, and the family, who is going to care for the kids while she is working, and what makes anyone think a man is not going to be like "hey, wait a minute"? Not only does he have to spend his time sacrificing it for the good of the family at work, by the sweat of his brow, but now he has to take on additional duties as a caregiver. And many people are saying oh, but women do this all the time. Well, they do laundry, he does yard work, she does the cooking, he does dishes, she cleans the house, she fixes the house, re-shingles the roof, fix the plumbing, etc. He comes home and spends time with the kids because most fathers want to. So no, men do it too, just the work that apparently we don't count because we don't want to betray the fact that men just like women, both do it all the time, but only one while regularly holding down a full-time job. Look TIME magazine already printed an article presenting the abundance of research done that proves fathers pull their own weight just like mom, with a full time job that requires 40+ hours a week to boot, back in August of 2011, it was on the cover. So when men gloss over the career women, it may be because men just don't want a raw deal, they are already burdened with obligations in a marriage while their wife is left with choices, so why would they want to add to that list of obligations while she gets more choices? They need a partner in life, not someone else to look after.

It's a tangent I know, but I will say some families can pull it off, but very few can. It's a precarious game you play being a women who wants to 'have it all', when such a notion is impossible. Men certainly don't 'have it all', responsibilities an obligations are something they can't escape, so they have to make choices and sacrifices. Women need to do so too, so if they want to be mothers, fine. If they want to be career women, fine. If they want to be both, good luck. You might just hit 30 and still be single.